jokes that can be told in church

JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH

 

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her

mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day

of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the

groom wearing black?"

 

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A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she

could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed,

"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me

be late!"

 

While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell,

getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed

herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began

to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't

shove me either!"

 

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Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The

first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he

calls it a poem, they give him $50."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on

piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words

on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to

collect all the money!"

 

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An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no

male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial

service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I

don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."

 

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A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you

had to arrest your own mother?"

He answered "Call for backup."

 

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A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Jose ph and Mary took Jesus

with them to Jerusalem . A small child replied: "They couldn't get a

baby-sitter."

 

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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her

five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy

father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches

us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

 

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At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything,

including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they

told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the

week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she

said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to

have a wife."

 

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Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong

preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about

all this Satan stuff?"

The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out.

It's probably just your Dad."

 

 

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you

stop laughing!Take heed and pass these along to people who need a laugh.

 

 

Reach for the Stars...

for if you fall...

You'll Land on a Cloud.